I've had an ongoing relationship with a parent this year based on focusing issues, aggression and the effort he's putting into work. Yesterday was quite rough. Elliot was yelling at kids on the playground that they "sucked" and also threw his homework on the floor and said the custodian could pick it up. It was one of his roughest days at school this year. I had a two meetings after school and did not have time to e-mail until I got home and remembered around 6pm. I tried to start with positives and remind the dad how proud I am of Elliot and then mention the day. I wasn't sure what kind of response I would receive. This is an excerpt that made me smile and remember why I do this.
"I understand your problems, Elliot and I greatly appreciate you taking the time to send a late message. This dedication to the education of my son is greatly appreciated, but due to district regulations, I'm not at liberty to reward your behavior. If there's a recommendation letter that I can send to the principal or the school district based on this effort, let me know who I should notify."
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Monday, December 8, 2008
Parenting Advice
At the ripe old age of 23 (almost 24) with no children, I often find myself in the situation of giving parenting advice. Although I do not have children of my own, I feel my parents did a good job and I babysat enough to see many different parenting styles and figure out how to deal with unruly children. Those children are now old enough to be reading this blog themselves...so I guess that does give me some right to give advice to parents. Many of these advice bits have been repeated and repeated at my parent conferences this year, but this was the most important. Please keep in mind that this conference was with a parent of a specials needs child. One who might need this more than any other kid in my room.
Today at a conference, I heard myself telling a parent what might work at home. I offered such advice as:
- Create a schedule that he has some leeway and can make his own decisions.
- Create a reward system, something he wants to earn at home using some object he can collect and keep track of his earnings.
- Create consequences for unwanted behavior and something he has to physical do himself to know he's accepting the consequence.
- Show patience and answer his questions. He needs to understand answers before he can move on.
- Don't use figurative language. He doesn't understand it and only makes him more frustrated.
- Have him play with other kids.
- Don't worry about academics, we want his social skills to develop so that he can understand feelings when he's reading about them.
I just find it funny that I was sitting in the conference with the parent, counselor, educational assistant, and speech teacher giving advice about what to do at home, when I have no children of my own. I know my dog appreciates schedules. She expects her food and potty breaks at certain times and becomes grumpy and restless if I am late. Aren't kids just like dogs?
Today at a conference, I heard myself telling a parent what might work at home. I offered such advice as:
- Create a schedule that he has some leeway and can make his own decisions.
- Create a reward system, something he wants to earn at home using some object he can collect and keep track of his earnings.
- Create consequences for unwanted behavior and something he has to physical do himself to know he's accepting the consequence.
- Show patience and answer his questions. He needs to understand answers before he can move on.
- Don't use figurative language. He doesn't understand it and only makes him more frustrated.
- Have him play with other kids.
- Don't worry about academics, we want his social skills to develop so that he can understand feelings when he's reading about them.
I just find it funny that I was sitting in the conference with the parent, counselor, educational assistant, and speech teacher giving advice about what to do at home, when I have no children of my own. I know my dog appreciates schedules. She expects her food and potty breaks at certain times and becomes grumpy and restless if I am late. Aren't kids just like dogs?
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Parent Conferences
This week we had two early release days so that we could have the afternoon for parent conferences. Seeing how most of my class is very well-behaved and almost on grade level, I wasn't too concerned. I had it planned out that they would share something with their parents they've done or like about the class and then we would talk about their goals and what they need to do.
Here they come...and I'm the smiling, happy teacher their kids hopefully talk about. I tell each of them how much I enjoy having their child in class, how they participate, they turn in their homework on time, and how respectful they are. It's almost the same spiel after spiel, differing a bit depending on how many multiplication facts they know and what difficulties they're having with reading, if any. Every student and parent get the same spiel about preparing for the writing TAKS test in late February and what will be expected by then.
Now, I do have a few students that have very talkative and playful personalities and those conferences were a bit more difficult. If I learned anything from my student teaching cooperative teacher, it is that you have to address the problem as it is. The issues that needed to be addressed were nothing new, their parents were aware. In fact, we talked about it like a real problem and how it was going to be fixed and what happens if it isn't. All of the parents were very supportive and understood the problems. They are going to talk about appropriate behavior in order to improve what's happening at school. It helps when the kids know the parents know what's going on and they will be concerned about it and keeping in touch.
Overall, I was very happy with the way the parent conferences turned out and I reassured them all they have wonderful kids and they are assets to our class.
Here they come...and I'm the smiling, happy teacher their kids hopefully talk about. I tell each of them how much I enjoy having their child in class, how they participate, they turn in their homework on time, and how respectful they are. It's almost the same spiel after spiel, differing a bit depending on how many multiplication facts they know and what difficulties they're having with reading, if any. Every student and parent get the same spiel about preparing for the writing TAKS test in late February and what will be expected by then.
Now, I do have a few students that have very talkative and playful personalities and those conferences were a bit more difficult. If I learned anything from my student teaching cooperative teacher, it is that you have to address the problem as it is. The issues that needed to be addressed were nothing new, their parents were aware. In fact, we talked about it like a real problem and how it was going to be fixed and what happens if it isn't. All of the parents were very supportive and understood the problems. They are going to talk about appropriate behavior in order to improve what's happening at school. It helps when the kids know the parents know what's going on and they will be concerned about it and keeping in touch.
Overall, I was very happy with the way the parent conferences turned out and I reassured them all they have wonderful kids and they are assets to our class.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
A bit tired, but content...
Today was the second day of school and I got to know my kiddos even more. I talked about procedures I missed yesterday and those I need to reinforce daily. I managed a difficult day with my child with autism. He told me that he went to sleep late and woke up late this morning. If I've learned anything about children and especially children with disabilities, it is that they need structure and routine! When he went to sleep late and woke up late, his routine and structure were shot for the day. This meant that everything was difficult for him, including the daily things that shouldn't affect him very much (making a lunch choice or putting his backpack away). This is definitely a learning experience for me and we just work day to day.
If you've read my blog at the end of last year, you will know what I mean when I say, "My mama said..." Well, she's back! Yesterday I mentioned that I have her sister in my class this year. I was hoping that the sister I currently have would be different and not deliver messages from her mom by way of "My mama said...", but my hoping didn't come true. So here's the first of the year. "My mama said...she is going to send medicine for my hand. She said she would send it with my sister so that it would be in the nurse when I need it. Well, I don't know if she's going to send it today, tomorrow, or the next day. But she said she's going to send it."
What I look forward to most is the year continuing on in the manner in which it started, which is very polite, hard-working kiddos with great attitudes about school!
GREAT BOOK FIND:
This book is for a bit older kids (3rd-5th) because of the humor and play on words, but they love it! It's a fun way to talk about manners and at my school, Life Skills. We joined neighboring classes for this activity because in the book, the neighbors are otters. We read the book aloud and then divided the kids up to brainstorm ideas of how the manners that the neighbors would like to see in "otters" could be displayed in our classroom and school.
The kids worked COOPERATIVELY in order to draw or write how you should treat "otters". They did a great job letting everyone contribute with their ideas and drawing/writing abilities. They presented them at the end of the day and did a fantastic job. The kids also liked getting to work with our neighbor class so early in the year. Developing the community in our portable is almost as important as just in our classroom. It was definitely at least a 4 out of 5 star lesson!
If you've read my blog at the end of last year, you will know what I mean when I say, "My mama said..." Well, she's back! Yesterday I mentioned that I have her sister in my class this year. I was hoping that the sister I currently have would be different and not deliver messages from her mom by way of "My mama said...", but my hoping didn't come true. So here's the first of the year. "My mama said...she is going to send medicine for my hand. She said she would send it with my sister so that it would be in the nurse when I need it. Well, I don't know if she's going to send it today, tomorrow, or the next day. But she said she's going to send it."
What I look forward to most is the year continuing on in the manner in which it started, which is very polite, hard-working kiddos with great attitudes about school!
GREAT BOOK FIND:
This book is for a bit older kids (3rd-5th) because of the humor and play on words, but they love it! It's a fun way to talk about manners and at my school, Life Skills. We joined neighboring classes for this activity because in the book, the neighbors are otters. We read the book aloud and then divided the kids up to brainstorm ideas of how the manners that the neighbors would like to see in "otters" could be displayed in our classroom and school.The kids worked COOPERATIVELY in order to draw or write how you should treat "otters". They did a great job letting everyone contribute with their ideas and drawing/writing abilities. They presented them at the end of the day and did a fantastic job. The kids also liked getting to work with our neighbor class so early in the year. Developing the community in our portable is almost as important as just in our classroom. It was definitely at least a 4 out of 5 star lesson!
Monday, June 30, 2008
My Mama Said...
If there is something that bothers me more than most other things, it would have to be when a kid comes to be and says, "My mama said..." REALLY NOW? If your mama really wanted me to know that, wouldn't she call or send me a note? I hope you have sympathy while reading these and not the sense that I'm harsh. Of course I never said these comments to the student, but it just got to me after I heard a "My mama said..." multiple times only beginning when you started in my class.
I hope while reading these, you fully understood that I have never once spoken to this parent. When she registered and dropped her child in my classroom, she was on her cell phone the entire time and didn't even want to speak to me and barely made eye contact. I tried introducing myself but it seemed worthless. It only figures that she has so much to say, but doesn't want to actually tell me...or, all of the comments aren't true and they were made up to get attention? It wouldn't surprise me...
"My mama said...that she wants a note home about my behavior everyday."
I'm sorry honey...I have too many kids in my class to write a note home everyday. I can e-mail a quick note, but a hand-written note every day? I already send home a weekly note...if she wants more than that, she needs to let me know.
"My mama said...if you don't let me go to the bathroom when I ask, I can just go."
Really now? Is your mom the one who has 20 kids asking to use the bathroom every 5 minutes? Is your mom the one who hears kids ask to use the bathroom because they "can't hold it anymore" and after I say no, they never ask again? Apparently you didn't have to go that badly. And how do I know when you really have to go if you do this? Isn't that called crying wolf?
"My mama said...you need to call her."
Why doesn't she just call me? If it's something she needs to ask/tell me, she needs to call me. She knows my classroom number and that I'm there until at least 4:30 daily. And if she calls and I'm not there...I know how to check my messages and return phone calls. If she sends me a note saying this, I will call her.
"My mama said...that I need to keep my medicine in my bag and take it when I feel like I need to."
Okay and if you do that, I'll write you up for taking medicine at school without permission (or whatever the legal jargon is). You say your mom works at a school, but she doesn't know the rules about going to the nurse to get medicine?
"My mama said...that she checked my homework and everything is right."
Then why do you come to school if your mom can teach you everything? Oh, because she can't...you still have a lot of wrong answers. Please don't come to me and say your mama knows everything. I don't even pretend to know everything.
"My mama said...I need to call her at 2:30 to know if I ride the bus home."
Really? Is that why you are just mentioning this at 2:40? If it was so important, wouldn't you have told me earlier? Also, isn't it your mom's job to call the school and let you know how to get home from school...isn't that a parent's responsibility? And I just can't let a kid use the phone to call because then my whole class would need to call home for one reason or another.
"My mama said...you need to send work home so I can practice decimals and fractions."
If your mama knows that you need practice, she can help you from home. And, don't tell me at 2:00 that she wants these papers today. I already taught decimals and fractions in January and I'm sorry you weren't here, but it's impossible for me to teach it to you when I have 20 other kids who've already learned it and it's 2 days before TAKS. I'm not trying to set you up to fail, but I can't teach something to one new kid just because they weren't here when we did it as a class. If my whole class still needed it, of course I would teach it again, but we've moved on.
"My mama said...I need work to practice this summer. Can you send it home?"
School isn't even over yet, we still have 25 days left (yes, I'm counting). Also, I know that every child needs to practice their math and reading skills over the summer, but unfortunately the Copy Machine Master doesn't allot us enough copies to make each kid a summer packet. I also know that of all the students in my class, you are the one who has the most ability (financially and physically) to buy some workbooks at the store. You all know that teachers shop at Teacher's Heaven and parents are welcome there too. I'm not trying to deprive you of continuing your learning, but it doesn't seem reasonable to me being that you are one of the very fortunate in the school. I will give all my old worksheets out the last week of school and have prepared some packets for some kids, but not everyone.
"My mama said...if I don't understand something I need to ask you."
Okay, this comment doesn't sound as unreasonable as the others, but the way you said it and began using that ability was unreasonable. You said this as though you can't ask for help on your own...only because your "mama said" can you ask me to help. You then began asking me to help on every single question, even though you were capable of answering them. Saying, "I don't understand this one," doesn't tell me what you don't understand. Is it the directions? The words? How to solve the problem? There are many things you may not understand when reading a problem...please be specific.
"My mama said...that if I don't drink enough water, my asthma is going to start acting up."
Is this another one of those comments that you think holds more power if you say it came from your mama instead of just telling me. I hear this comment on a daily, almost hourly basis and I'm not sure of its merits because I hear it so much, I'm going to think you're crying wolf if your asthma really does act up. You are in 4th grade...you know what causes your asthma to act up and what you can do to prevent it (because "your mama tells me everyday"), so you should just avoid those things, bring a water bottle big enough for the entire day to school, and only tell me if it's an emergency. I already have so many students who cry wolf all day long, I don't know what to believe and what not to believe...so for right now...I don't believe anything until I speak to parents in person or over the phone.
"My mama said...I need a note in order to bring my scrapbook materials to school."
What? I already sent a note home...yesterday! Does she expect me to hand-write a note for each individual student? The note said that if you have materials to make your scrapbook, bring them to school. You can either keep these materials private or share them with the class. They need to be at school. I'm sorry that you said you've lied to your mom before and now she doesn't believe you when you ask for something, but I've already sent a note home.
-------
Here are some other "My mama saids..." from other students...
"My mama said...I better behave today or I'm going to be grounded."
YES! I like this mama.
"My mama said...if I don't turn in all my work, I'm not going to have fun this weekend."
Another that I really like!
"My mama said...that if I make a C, I won't get to watch TV."
And they keep coming...
"My mama said...to call her if you need help with anything."
Oh, I would LOVE some help!
"My mama said...to call her if I have a good day."
No problem...I would love to.
"My mama said...call her if I'm not on task today."
You actually told me this message? Wow...I'd be happy to. Whenever I call your mama, it reinforces the importance of parent-teacher communication on behavior and quality of work.
I hope while reading these, you fully understood that I have never once spoken to this parent. When she registered and dropped her child in my classroom, she was on her cell phone the entire time and didn't even want to speak to me and barely made eye contact. I tried introducing myself but it seemed worthless. It only figures that she has so much to say, but doesn't want to actually tell me...or, all of the comments aren't true and they were made up to get attention? It wouldn't surprise me...
"My mama said...that she wants a note home about my behavior everyday."
I'm sorry honey...I have too many kids in my class to write a note home everyday. I can e-mail a quick note, but a hand-written note every day? I already send home a weekly note...if she wants more than that, she needs to let me know.
"My mama said...if you don't let me go to the bathroom when I ask, I can just go."
Really now? Is your mom the one who has 20 kids asking to use the bathroom every 5 minutes? Is your mom the one who hears kids ask to use the bathroom because they "can't hold it anymore" and after I say no, they never ask again? Apparently you didn't have to go that badly. And how do I know when you really have to go if you do this? Isn't that called crying wolf?
"My mama said...you need to call her."
Why doesn't she just call me? If it's something she needs to ask/tell me, she needs to call me. She knows my classroom number and that I'm there until at least 4:30 daily. And if she calls and I'm not there...I know how to check my messages and return phone calls. If she sends me a note saying this, I will call her.
"My mama said...that I need to keep my medicine in my bag and take it when I feel like I need to."
Okay and if you do that, I'll write you up for taking medicine at school without permission (or whatever the legal jargon is). You say your mom works at a school, but she doesn't know the rules about going to the nurse to get medicine?
"My mama said...that she checked my homework and everything is right."
Then why do you come to school if your mom can teach you everything? Oh, because she can't...you still have a lot of wrong answers. Please don't come to me and say your mama knows everything. I don't even pretend to know everything.
"My mama said...I need to call her at 2:30 to know if I ride the bus home."
Really? Is that why you are just mentioning this at 2:40? If it was so important, wouldn't you have told me earlier? Also, isn't it your mom's job to call the school and let you know how to get home from school...isn't that a parent's responsibility? And I just can't let a kid use the phone to call because then my whole class would need to call home for one reason or another.
"My mama said...you need to send work home so I can practice decimals and fractions."
If your mama knows that you need practice, she can help you from home. And, don't tell me at 2:00 that she wants these papers today. I already taught decimals and fractions in January and I'm sorry you weren't here, but it's impossible for me to teach it to you when I have 20 other kids who've already learned it and it's 2 days before TAKS. I'm not trying to set you up to fail, but I can't teach something to one new kid just because they weren't here when we did it as a class. If my whole class still needed it, of course I would teach it again, but we've moved on.
"My mama said...I need work to practice this summer. Can you send it home?"
School isn't even over yet, we still have 25 days left (yes, I'm counting). Also, I know that every child needs to practice their math and reading skills over the summer, but unfortunately the Copy Machine Master doesn't allot us enough copies to make each kid a summer packet. I also know that of all the students in my class, you are the one who has the most ability (financially and physically) to buy some workbooks at the store. You all know that teachers shop at Teacher's Heaven and parents are welcome there too. I'm not trying to deprive you of continuing your learning, but it doesn't seem reasonable to me being that you are one of the very fortunate in the school. I will give all my old worksheets out the last week of school and have prepared some packets for some kids, but not everyone.
"My mama said...if I don't understand something I need to ask you."
Okay, this comment doesn't sound as unreasonable as the others, but the way you said it and began using that ability was unreasonable. You said this as though you can't ask for help on your own...only because your "mama said" can you ask me to help. You then began asking me to help on every single question, even though you were capable of answering them. Saying, "I don't understand this one," doesn't tell me what you don't understand. Is it the directions? The words? How to solve the problem? There are many things you may not understand when reading a problem...please be specific.
"My mama said...that if I don't drink enough water, my asthma is going to start acting up."
Is this another one of those comments that you think holds more power if you say it came from your mama instead of just telling me. I hear this comment on a daily, almost hourly basis and I'm not sure of its merits because I hear it so much, I'm going to think you're crying wolf if your asthma really does act up. You are in 4th grade...you know what causes your asthma to act up and what you can do to prevent it (because "your mama tells me everyday"), so you should just avoid those things, bring a water bottle big enough for the entire day to school, and only tell me if it's an emergency. I already have so many students who cry wolf all day long, I don't know what to believe and what not to believe...so for right now...I don't believe anything until I speak to parents in person or over the phone.
"My mama said...I need a note in order to bring my scrapbook materials to school."
What? I already sent a note home...yesterday! Does she expect me to hand-write a note for each individual student? The note said that if you have materials to make your scrapbook, bring them to school. You can either keep these materials private or share them with the class. They need to be at school. I'm sorry that you said you've lied to your mom before and now she doesn't believe you when you ask for something, but I've already sent a note home.
-------
Here are some other "My mama saids..." from other students...
"My mama said...I better behave today or I'm going to be grounded."
YES! I like this mama.
"My mama said...if I don't turn in all my work, I'm not going to have fun this weekend."
Another that I really like!
"My mama said...that if I make a C, I won't get to watch TV."
And they keep coming...
"My mama said...to call her if you need help with anything."
Oh, I would LOVE some help!
"My mama said...to call her if I have a good day."
No problem...I would love to.
"My mama said...call her if I'm not on task today."
You actually told me this message? Wow...I'd be happy to. Whenever I call your mama, it reinforces the importance of parent-teacher communication on behavior and quality of work.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Oh Snap!!
It happened again. While I was in my room preparing for the day, the registrar comes over my speaker and tells me that I will be getting a new student today. Are you kidding me?!? We have 13 days of school left and nevermind that, grades are due in 6 days. And yes, I will be responsible for inputting grades for his 6 days in my class...and they are meant to reflect the past 9 weeks and whether or not he will be promoted to 5th grade. What are parents thinking moving their kids around at this time? I understand the occasional new kid at the end of the year, but a fellow 4th grade teacher also received a new kid yesterday. I'd venture to say that for the past 3 weeks, some 4th grade class has received a new kid.
Anyway, I was a bit disappointed that this new child was a boy because I already have about twice as many boys as girls. I don't really need any more boys in my class. If I stereotype them correctly, the boys tend to be more outwardly expressive, which ultimately means that they are loud and disruptive to our learning. And girls are more dramatic in the gossip area. They talk about each other non-stop but can't stand when someone talks about them. Bunch 'o hypocrites is what they are! Of course I know that not every child is like my two stereotypes, but 75% of my class is. FORTUNATELY, in the few hours that I had to get to know this kid today, I was thankful that he doesn't seem to fit my stereotypes of boys, so far. I've seen it many times before where they are too shy to act out the first few days, but considering that we only have 13 days of school left (12 as of tonight), he might begin to act out after we're done with all serious work (when grades are due). My fingers are crossed.
Anyway, I was a bit disappointed that this new child was a boy because I already have about twice as many boys as girls. I don't really need any more boys in my class. If I stereotype them correctly, the boys tend to be more outwardly expressive, which ultimately means that they are loud and disruptive to our learning. And girls are more dramatic in the gossip area. They talk about each other non-stop but can't stand when someone talks about them. Bunch 'o hypocrites is what they are! Of course I know that not every child is like my two stereotypes, but 75% of my class is. FORTUNATELY, in the few hours that I had to get to know this kid today, I was thankful that he doesn't seem to fit my stereotypes of boys, so far. I've seen it many times before where they are too shy to act out the first few days, but considering that we only have 13 days of school left (12 as of tonight), he might begin to act out after we're done with all serious work (when grades are due). My fingers are crossed.
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